Ian and Tony Take on the NBA, Part 4

You’re right, Coach: This is where the previews get cloudy. For instance, I’m looking at your 10 to 5, and I can’t help but do a process of elimination. I don’t know the order of your top 5, but I know you’ve got 3 well-duh’s and 2 maybe-maybe-not’s. And it’s the last 2 that I’m going to focus on.

You know that I’m a diehard, lifelong Shaquille O’Neal fan. Even though the Shaq Attack has left the sunny tip for more northern pastures, I can’t help but feel some residual affection for Dwyane Wade and the Heat. Wade is the Brett Favre of the NBA. He lives to play the game. He plays because he loves it, and it shows. He spends more time on his ass than his feet because, if you think you’re still on the playground, that’s how you play the game. Like your momma might be calling you for supper any minute now, and you’re gonna claw your way to as many points as you can before you hear her voice. We always call NBA players “overpaid babies,” but Dwyane Wade is the only one that makes you want to be a boy again. So I’m happy the Heat are in your top 5, but you and I both know that’s no sure thing.   Continue reading “Ian and Tony Take on the NBA, Part 4”

Ian and Tony Take on the NBA, Part 2

Ian—Can I call you “Coach”? No? Well, I’m the editor, so you don’t really have a choice.—Coach, first call me “Tony.” You’ll remember my alter-ego from our basketball days: Anthony by day, Tony by night. That’s right, if you’re going to use your retirement to tell our audience about the NBA, then I’ll just have to sit them on my knee and tell them a few war stories of my own.

Second, I should apologize for how the text formatting got screwed up in your post. It turns out I’m not a very good editor. So I should apologize. But I won’t. Like I said, you don’t really have a choice in these matters.

Frankly, Coach, I’m not happy. Really, I’m angry at myself. You see, I could have picked some windbag sitting at a bar to write the sports posts on this blog, but instead I picked you, the one person who knows so much about the NBA that I’m afraid to disagree. See what I mean? Not a very good editor.

But rumor has it that once in awhile women come across this site, so I’ve got a reputation to uphold. What do men play sports for, if not to impress women? Heck, can you think of any other reason why men do anything we do? I can’t back down and admit that your predictions are the definitive take on the sport I used to play. So, Coach, consider this a challenge. I have come to reclaim my manhood. Let’s start with your predictions for the bottom of the Eastern Conference.   Continue reading “Ian and Tony Take on the NBA, Part 2”

Ian and Tony Take On the NBA, Part 1

by Ian Kollar

2971It may be a day or two late but no matter: I was reminded by my kind editor Anthony that it is indeed NBA season once again. World Series fever aside, I had a job to do: preview the National Basketball Association and give my expert analysis on the teams, trends and trophies that will come and go with the 2009-2010 season.

What makes me an expert, you ask?

Nothing, really.

That’s right: I have the credentials of the average basketball fan and then maybe a little bit more. I was never really all that good at playing the sport. I coach it now, but only at a junior high level. I write for a newspaper and occasionally cover basketball games. But “analysis” is different. “Analysis” requires no street cred; rather, it just is a funny, hollow word attached to retired players on ESPN and TNT when they complain about how much better the game was “in their day.”

So I, as a retired player myself, must also do the same. Bear with me as I guide you through the sure-to-be tumultuous and exciting season that 2009-10 will be!   Continue reading “Ian and Tony Take On the NBA, Part 1”