Bush, Bonds, Begelman, and Blow Jobs

by Norman Horowitz

The “players”:

  • Barry Lamar Bonds is a former Major League Baseball outfielder.
  • David Begelman was an agent, a producer, and a studio head.
  • William Jefferson Clinton served as President of the United States from 1992 to 2000.
  • George Walker Bush served as President of the United States from 2001 to 2009.  

Barry Bonds has been found guilty of obstruction of justice for giving an evasive answer under oath more than seven years ago:

Rather than say “yes” or “no” to whether he received drugs that required a syringe, Bonds gave a rambling response to a grand jury…

U.S. District Judge Susan Illston declared a mistrial on the three charges that Bonds made false statements when he told a grand jury in December 2003 that he never knowingly received steroids and human growth hormone from trainer Greg Anderson and that he allowed only doctors to inject him.

David Begelman took over the floundering Columbia Pictures’ movie division. He changed the company’s image by “green lighting”  TommyShampooMurder by Death, and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. During Begelman’s reign, actor Cliff Robertson received a note from the Internal Revenue Service indicating he had received $10,000 from Columbia Pictures…but he had never received the money. Robertson discovered that his signature on the cashed paycheck had been forged. The LAPD and the FBI verified that the $10,000 check was a forgery, and it was tracked to Begelman. He was ultimately sentenced to community service.
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Bill Clinton’s sexual relationship with a 22-year-old intern named Monica Lewinsky led to a huge scandal.  The House voted to impeach Clinton, based on allegations Clinton lied about his relationship with Lewinsky in a sworn deposition in the Paula Jones lawsuit. This made Clinton only the second U.S. president to be impeached.

George W. Bush has been accused, by the former chief U.N. nuclear inspector Mohamed ElBaradei,…

…of “grotesque distortion” in the run-up to the 2003 Iraq invasion, when then-President George W. Bush and his lieutenants claimed Iraq possessed doomsday weapons, despite contrary evidence collected by ElBaradei’s and other arms inspectors inside the country.

[ElBaradei has stated] that administration officials should face international criminal investigation for the “shame of a needless war” in Iraq.

Now, as they say in contract bridge, let’s “review the bidding” — a.k.a. the criminals, the crimes, and the punishments:

  • Bonds lied or misled a grand jury about his steroid use. His punishment could be that he will be sent to prison. In any event, he remains in big trouble.
  • Begelman stole large amounts of money and violated his corporate trust. His punishment was community service.
  • Clinton received consensual oral sex in the Oval Office, and he did what anyone would do and denied it. His punishment was that he was impeached and humiliated by Congress, and it all but destroyed his Presidency.
  • Bush violated our Constitution on a regular basis and took us into two wars that destroyed a country and killed or wounded hundreds of thousands of theirs and ours. He lied and misled his country in so many ways and has been held responsible for nothing. His punishment is that he is clearing brush in Texas.

As an atheist, I cannot conceive of punishments in a nonexistent after life. That leaves me with the unsatisfactory absence of punishment for our former President George W. Bush.
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